Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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