Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
