I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
