my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
