I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
