I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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