upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
