actually, I'm a sock model
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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