Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
