Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
