Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Randomize
