I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
