I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
