She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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