put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
