it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
