She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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