he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
