I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
