It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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