you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
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