why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
