We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
