if you like me you must not know who I am
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
