he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Randomize
