I'm going to jail i love you
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
