I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
