Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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