i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
