I'm lost and stupid without you.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
