I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
