Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
