1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
