We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
