those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
