WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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