i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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