the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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