what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
