Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
