His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
