Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
