Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
