So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
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Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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