Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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