Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
