somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
