Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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