My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
