We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
