I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Randomize
