Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
