I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
