I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Randomize
