I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
