I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Randomize
