so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
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its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize