Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So drunk its hurt
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
