If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
