are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
