Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
