suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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