Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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