I hate your face
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
she peed on how many people?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
