i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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