Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
