Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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