Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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