How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
