Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
