There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
We are two peas in an std pod
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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