So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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