Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
