If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
