My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
