Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
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No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
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We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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