She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
