Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
