i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
only if we run a train.
done.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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