he told me I talked like a deaf person
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
you inspire me to be a worse person
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Randomize
