I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
