Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
