you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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