I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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