Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
