we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
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there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
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MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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