oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
