people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
