I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
