I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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